Severus Snape and Day in the Park
by protejerinnocencia
Summary: A little comedy about Snape and Draco in a muggle park.


Severus Snape and a Day in the Park

Severus Snape sat on a wooden bench in the small park near his home on Spinner's End. He had no idea why on earth he was here, watching all these irksome children running about and screaming. It gave him a headache. And where the bloody hell had Draco gone to?

"Excuse me mister?" A little boy suddenly said, coming up to the Professor. "Do you want a piece of my candy?" he screeched, beaming.

"What? No. Leave me be you insolent child. I dislike small children," Severus snapped back, glaring menacingly at the boy.

"Weren't you small once?" the boy asked, rooted to the spot. He broke off a piece of his candy and was chewing with his mouth open.

"Excuse me? What exactly are you implying?" Severus hissed.

"You were a kid like me! How can you not like kids, I don't understand Mister. Why do you have your hair that long?" he asked rapidly, "And how come you're wearing a robe? Did you take a shower? Do you have bath toys like me?" he continued jabbering away.

"I said leave me be!" Severus bellowed, standing to his full height, towering over the child.

The boy's mouth hung open. He just stared open-mouthed at the man. Then he burst into tears. "You don't wanna be my friend!" he shouted, stomping the ground with his foot.

"Oh stop your crying you annoying brat," Severus drawled.

"I have a puppy!" The boy said, stopping immediately. He turned and called, "Snuffles! C'mere!" clapping his hands together. A great big black dog bounded forward and jumped...at Snape. The dog had him pinned flat on his back. Severus glared at the dog, knowing exactly who it was.

"Get the bloody hell off of me Black," he hissed at the dog, trying to reach for his wand.

"He's not Black, he's Snuffles." the boy said quickly, and then he skipped away. The big dog licked Severus's face, leaving drool everywhere, and got off of him almost laughing. Severus narrowed his eyes at the canine, giving him a smirk.

"Shall I make the boy cry for his Mummy?" he sniggered, taking a step towards him. With a quick movement, Snape's foot connected with the dog's ribs.

"My doggie!" the child wailed, getting up and kicking Severus in the groin.

"You little shit," Severus growled, in severe pain. He held his breath to ease the throbbing sensation, his eyes shooting daggers at the boy.

The boy's eyes widened, he took a step back. "You just said a swear..." he murmured fearfully. Sirius got up and bounded towards him, tugging viciously at Snape's robes. There was a loud rip and Snape was left in black pants and a long sleeved shirt. Sirius ran away with the robes billowing in his mouth.

"Lousy mutt," Severus growled, turning on his heel and walking away. He had plenty more robes. Just then, he spotted Draco, sitting on a see saw and stormed over.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing?" Severus queried, looking horrified.

"I'm playing on a sawsee," Draco said matter-of-factly.

"No, it's a see saw!" The little girl at the other end corrected him.

"See saw..." He muttered, looking up at Snape. "Want to have a go?"

"No I would not like to 'have a go'!" Severus barked impatiently.

"I would quite like to leave," he added.

"Well I like it here. No Dark Lord…all there is, is fun and...Ice Cream!" Draco said, revealing an ice cream cone and licking it.

"Draco, you are acting like a Muggle. I do not have to remind you what your father would think," Severus sneered, crossing his arms over his chest.

The seesaw went 'thump' as the girl hit the ground. Severus decided then and there that he despised parks. Draco licked his ice cream and grabbed Snape's hand much like a child having to leave his friends after a play date. Severus pulled his hand out of Draco's grasp.

"Would you please act your age," he snapped. What was going on around here?

"Do you want some?" Draco said, offering the ice cream cone to Snape so that it was right under his hooked nose.

"Get that out of my face," Severus spat, pushing Draco's hand away.

"I swear you've gone insane," he muttered crossly.

Draco smashed the ice cream cone in Snape's face. "You remember me forever!" he shouted, pointing in his face. Then he skipped off, humming lightly.

Severus was livid. He cleaned off his face and went stalking after the boy. Pointing his wand at the blond, he muttered, "Levicorpus," under his breath.

"Argh!" Draco shouted, hanging in the air from an ankle. He was swaying in the air, throwing a fit. "Let me go Daddy!"

Severus blinked. Had Draco just called him 'daddy'? The boy had lost his mind. Severus flicked his wrist and Draco was standing upright.

"I don't know what the bloody hell has gotten into you but you are going to stop this nonsense immediately," Severus scolded, suddenly wishing he still had authority to take House points.

"I am clearly not your father, and I shouldn't have to be your damn babysitter either," he continued.

"Well it got me down, didn't it?" Draco said. "And now I don't have a Muggle treat anymore! What the bloody hell!" he said, pouting and kicking the ground so that sand flew up and hit both he and Severus in the eye.

"I am very tempted to slap you right now for this ungodly display," Severus seethed.

"But, seeing as I wish to stay within your Mother's good graces, I will refrain," he added.

"What, when you have sex in the next room?" Draco said casually, skipping. "I can hear it. I do it with Pansy a lot. She's good at giving hea-"

"I do not sleep with your mother!" Severus shouted.

"Unless you've forgotten, as she has, your father is still alive and their marriage is still valid," he continued, beginning to pace.

"And I have no desire to be in any sort of relationship with anyone, given my current situation."

"And I do not wish to hear what the bloody hell you do with Miss Parkinson!" he concluded.

"But she's like a goddess professor!" Draco exclaimed.

"That is enough. The subject is closed. We are leaving," Severus growled.

"If you didn't sleep with my mother, then who did?" Draco asked, looking deeply confused. "You came over last night; she definitely screamed your name..."

"I said we are not discussing this!" Severus shot heatedly.

"I did not sleep with your mother. We were having…a discussion," he explained vaguely.

"That involved the headboard of her bed to slam against the wall so much?" Draco queried, "Or you to moan about not 'getting something up' and apologizing about it?"

Severus turned and backhanded Draco across the face.

"I said we did not sleep together. And our conversation is none of your business."

"Whatever...go buy some Viagra." Draco spat, rubbing his face. He ran off from Snape again, heading towards the Leaky Cauldron.

Severus glared after the boy but did not pursue him. He was through with this absurd bullshit. It was getting late and he wanted to get the hell out of this park before he lost his mind. With a deep breath, he disapparated, reappeared in his sitting room, a bottle of Firewhiskey already on the table. Taking a seat, he poured himself a glass, ready to flush the day's events from his mind.


End file.
